hey beauties, maui here!
One of the most meaningful, challenging and rewarding relationships a woman will have in her life is a mother/daughter relationship. Whether you are the mother or the daughter, this relationship will have a defining impact on your life.
As a girl, I can remember watching my mother’s every move; wanting to be like her in many ways and in others saying, “I will never do that.” While many of my friends thought that my mother was fun and cool, I sometimes saw her as the wicked witch. “Hell No,” seemed to be her response for damn near anything I asked her. Parties? “HELL NO!” Sleepovers? “HELL NO!” As a teenager I felt like there was no middle ground, I either did exactly as she instructed or my ass was grass (and she was the mower).
As an adult and a mother with my own daughter, I totally respect all that she did and didn’t let me do. All those whoopins’ and “HELL NO’s” are the reason I graduated high school (without being a teenage mother)/college, why I am the woman I am today and why I am the mother that I am to my daughter.
Aside from my mother/daughter relationships, I have had the pleasure of watching other girls. For nearly 20 years (yeah I know, I am seasoned), I have worked with and mentored teenage girls. I have heard stories that you wouldn’t believe, I know mothers who struggle with mothering their daughters and have witnessed girls acting out due to being misguided by their mothers. For these and other reasons, allow me to share with you a few things mothers should know about their daughters.
# 1. They are watching.
I know that it seems as though they could care less about anything other than clothes, boys and selfies but I promise you, they see you. If you pay close attention to your daughter, you will notice that they have picked up the gems (or grenades) that you have dropped.
#2. They don’t want to be your friend.
Many times moms make the mistake of trying to be friends with their daughter. They have friends, they need a MOTHER. They love you even if they don’t always like you and for now, that is cool. As much as they hate being disciplined and told no, they know that “HELL NO!” is for their good and at some point they will thank you.
# 3. They are more capable than you realize.
As mothers our natural instinct is to nurture and there is nothing wrong with that. But as parent we should give our kids two things; root to grow and wings to soar. As our daughters grow and transition into womanhood we have to let them do so on their own. We must have faith in what we instilled in them. I’m not saying let them go and don’t look back. I am saying allow them to live, love and learn as you did.
#4. They want to talk to you.
More times than not we feel that our daughters don’t want to talk to us, that couldn’t be further from the truth. They just want to feel comfortable and welcome to do so. One way to initiate conversation is to share some of your experiences (both good and bad). Be honest and don’t act like a goodie two shoes, the worst thing you can do is make your daughter feel that you are perfect and she isn’t.
# 5. They have their own light!
Often times, mothers want their daughters to follow their path as opposed to finding their own, this is a really bad idea. Every girl deserves the right to have her own light shine. Mommy dearest, you cannot live out your dreams through baby girl, she has to have dreams of her own.
Are you a mother who has a daughter? If so, how would you describe your relationship How is your relationship with your own mother? What are some of your fondest memories? Also have you read Ty’s first book, Things I Wish I Knew Before My Mom Died?