Being natural can be tough at times. The shade is real and it comes from everywhere, even other naturalistas. For the most part, the natural community is made up of people that build each other up. Having a support system is a necessity for your natural hair journey. What would you do if someone in your family, let’s say a spouse or significant other was your main hater?  Would someone actually leave the one they loved because of how that person choose to wear their hair? Well, it has and does happen. The story I am about to share is true; however names have been changed to protect the innocent (I’ve secretly always wanted to write that).



Tamara and Gary had been dating almost two years. When they began dating, Tamara had long luxurious hair that stretched down her back. Gary adored Tamara’s hair. He thought the long hair made her look exotic and sexy. It wasn’t long before he found out it was a weave, but because he loved the look, he accepted the fact that the hair wasn’t hers. After a year of dating (and wearing weaves), Tamara’s “real” hair began to suffer. She had neglected her hair and failed to maintain its health because the weave pleased her man. She told Gary she was thinking of returning to her natural hair by doing the “big chop” (cutting off all of the relaxed hair which usually results in a very short hairstyle) to regain the health of her hair. Gary was adamant about her NOT doing that because he was fearful of what his homeboys would think. She decided do it anyway and go against Gary’s feelings towards her natural hair. Gary hated it. He pressured her to get weave again and when Tamara refused he gave her an ultimatum. Gary told Tamara to “get a weave or I’m gone!”

To make a long story short, Tamara has a full head of healthy, naturally curly hair. She is married to “Todd” and has a beautiful baby girl on the way, which she will raise to love her natural hair.

Here are my two cents. Gary was all about superficial love. He would have eventually left over something else he didn’t like. I posted about this on my Instagram page (@CurlyQNikki) and found out other naturals have gone through something similar. I was lucky. When I cut my hair my husband was very supportive, and he still is. This is called a journey for a reason, we have trials and tribulations that help shape and mold our journey.

This may or may not be your story, but I ask this question of you…What Would A Natural Do?

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